Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That\'s relativity.

"I can\'t decide whether I\'m a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I\'m a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that\'s how I know I\'m a woman!"

Pretty women make us buy beer. Ugly women make us drink beer.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Don\'t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals when their cheery effect is needed.